DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes…
TRIGGER WARNING: this post contains discussions and references to family violence - including: domestic violence, emotional and sexual abuse. Please continue with discretion.
I have woken today feeling particularly flat and I can’t help but feel the world is in such a state of darkness - for so many reasons. I feel anger, guilt, fear and sadness, but also gratitude. I feel powerful, yet hopeless. A paradox of emotions, if you will.
In no way, shape, or form am I equipped with the appropriate knowledge to discuss with certainty, the atrocities unfolding in the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian conflict. It is a crisis beyond my capabilities for any meaningful comment, but the unimaginable suffering, violence and bloodshed of so many innocent civilians is devastating. As a community our respective views will inevitably vary, particularly due to the harmful misinformation and sheer volume of what we are seeing online. I personally feel out of my depth in regards to any further comments and with the greatest respect, my choice is to process this privately.
What I do feel comfortable commenting on though, are the horrifying statistics surrounding violence against women here in Australia. I have an intimate understanding and experience regarding family violence, and feel it is important for me to embrace my privilege of freedom and use my (albeit limited) voice.
I woke to the news this morning that a fourth Australian woman has been (allegedly) murdered by a known male, in the last 10 days. That is four women in 10 days. 56 women have been been killed due to domestic violence this year - 56! The annual average number of domestic violence related deaths equates to one woman killed per week in Australia. In 2022, 57 women were killed - so statistically, 2023 will exceed this. These deaths matter, as do the lives of all victim-survivors of domestic and family violence. Violence against women here in Australia is a national crisis, but there is no evidence of change - even as these numbers continue to grow. { EDIT } > As I came back this evening to finish this post, I have just read at 9.40pm that another woman has been (allegedly) murdered in Perth, Australia - by a known male. That now takes the 2023 death toll to 57… 57! That is now five women in 10 days. In the space of me writing this post and now finishing it, another woman has died… WHEN WILL THIS END? WHEN?
I am a 37 year old Australian woman and I have been the victim of domestic, family and sexual violence - all perpetrated by a known male. And no, I don’t need pity or attention, but I do need to see change and I want to be part of that change.
On 17 October 2022, the Australian government released the National Plan to End Violence against Women and Children (National Plan). There was also a commitment of a dedicated plan for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities. Just for some financial context, the annual cost of violence against women in Australia each year is approx. $21.7 billion, with victims bearing the primary burden of this cost. I will include a link to the National Plan, which covers: prevention, early intervention, response and recovery/healing.
Before I go any further though, I do want to share with you the definition of what family violence actually is - as I don’t believe this is widely understood.
WHAT IS FAMILY VIOLENCE?
Via AIHW (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare):
“Family violence is a term used for violence that occurs within family relationships, such as between parents and children, siblings, intimate partners or kinship relationships. Family relationships can include carers, foster carers and co-residents (for example in group homes or boarding residences).
Domestic violence is a type of family violence that occurs between current or former intimate partners (sometimes referred to as intimate partner violence). Both family violence and domestic violence include a range of behaviour types such as:
physical violence (for example, hitting, choking, or burning)
sexual violence (for example, rape, penetration by objects, unwanted touching)
emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse (for example, intimidating, humiliating)
Coercive control is often a significant part of a person’s experience of family and domestic violence. It is commonly used to describe a pattern of controlling behaviour, used by a perpetrator to establish and maintain control over another person.
Sexual violence can take many forms, including sexual assault, sexual threat, sexual harassment, child sexual abuse, and image-based abuse (NASASV 2021). However, the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) Personal Safety Survey (PSS) uses a narrower definition of sexual violence, including only sexual assault and sexual threat, with sexual harassment and experiences of abuse in childhood reported separately (ABS 2023a).
Other forms of violence that can occur within the context of family and domestic violence include: stalking and elder abuse, with the latter occurring where there is an expectation of trust and/or where there is a power imbalance”.
“Violence against women and girls is our individual and collective shame - a gross violation of human rights happening on an epic scale. It is a systemic issue that must be addressed at every level of society”
I come with a lot of opinions, but I won’t for one second pretend I have the answer. There is no quick fix and it requires a multi-layered approach. But before we can implement change or any sort of action plan to address this crisis, we as a society need to understand WHY/HOW this can happen.
I believe that violence against women stems (predominantly) from patriarchal hierarchy and toxic masculinity - simply, the traditional dominance of men. This is a sociological construction that has been passed down from generation to generation and very little has changed. In childhood, we have traditionally seen it as a sign of weakness for boys to express their emotions, vulnerabilities and fear. The societal pressure to hide their feelings and act in a masculine way - we’ve all heard things like “don’t cry like a girl”, which of course only perpetuates gender inequality. The natural progression of this programming can result in a sense of entitlement over women and a complete lack of respect for women. When it’s stripped back in this way, it’s not hard to see the potential connection and escalation of behaviour and attitudes towards women later in life. I also believe this happens between men as well, when their masculinity is challenged (particularly in front of other men), it can elicit shame and in turn provoke a response of violence. I believe (from a preventative approach) it is so important to encourage young boys/men to comfortably express their emotions and to feel safe doing so. We must move away from these gender stereotypes and that outwardly expressing one’s feelings is not an attack on male identity.
I just want to take a moment to remind you that when I refer to violence against women, that it is not limited to only physical - it encompasses a conglomerate of abusive behaviour, if that makes sense. This is such a complex and layered issue and I’m trying my best to articulate it simply - to join a few dots. And while I have had a sordid history at times with men, I am raising one. Therefore, I need progress, I need change and I will do everything in my power to be part of that.
What I have touched on above is only the tip of the iceberg and I will continue this discussion at a later time. As I have said, this is complicated and multi-factorial. But honestly, today has taken a toll on me and I am exhausted… I need to close my computer.
Before I go though, I have included some resources and links below.
RESOURCES:
Tarang Chawla: Tarang Chawla is an Indian-born Australian writer, lawyer, activist, Commissioner and former Independent political candidate. Following the murder of his sister Nikita Chawla in 2015, Tarang became an activist against men's violence. I really urge you to follow this incredible man on Instagram - his personal experience and his academic knowledge surrounding violence against women is greatly needed and appreciated
Lifeline: www.lifeline.org.au & you can also text ‘HELP’ on 0477 13 11 14
For First Nations People: 13YARN (13 92 76)
1800RESPECT: 18000 737 732 & they have also created an app, for more information - click here
WRISC - Family Violence Support Inc: there are some great apps available for those experiencing family violence, as a way to document what is happening/evidence. For more information, click here
The National Plan to End Violence against Women and Children 2022-2032: to read more, click here
Obviously in an emergency, please dial 000
