VAW - SO, WHAT NOW?
Violence against women is an international epidemic and one that has reached epic proportions here in Australia. According to Dangerous Females, 35 women have been allegedly killed here in Australia due to domestic violence in 2024 - that’s one woman on average being killed every four days. This time last year, that number sat at 16. The escalation and extremity of gender based violence is undeniable.
Over the last few weeks I believe we have seen a noticeable increase in media coverage and for the most part, the reporting has improved. Historically, the media have framed violence against women as an isolated and individual event, rather than communicating this for what it is - a systemic and cultural issue (and emergency). This style of reporting is problematic for so many reasons: it creates a distance for the viewer/wider community, it can cause unintentional victim blaming, and it removes any accountability from the community as a whole to act. As someone who has been a victim of coercive control, domestic/family violence, stalking and sexual assault, this onslaught of content has significantly impacted me - both positively and negatively. Hence why it’s taken me so long to publish this part two. Of course I welcome the intensity and frequency of this conversation, but my ability to engage and contribute does waver - so please, bear with me.
While there is no one cause for gender based violence, there needs to be a multilayered approach that encompasses all aspects of prevention, early intervention and action. Violence against women is a choice, as is how we collectively respond to it. However, it has been the response (or lack there of) that is driving this outrage across the country - and rightfully so. This part two is probably now on its seventh iteration and while I don’t believe I can ever deliver the justice this issue deserves, I thought it was important to publish my two (million) cents at this time. And although I would like to cover topics like male entitlement, misogyny & internalised misogyny, patriarchy, pornography, and toxic masculinity in great depth (and I will at some stage), the focus of this post has now shifted to the immediate and urgent action gender based violence requires - IMO. This includes: legislative and judicial reform, changes to IVOs & AVOs specifics/management (Police Checks), breaches of IVOs & AVOs, prosecution/conviction of those who breach IVOs & AVOs, how men can help combat DV and family law reform. As always, I will preface my feedback with full transparency - these are my opinions only. I am not an academic, nor am I a social professional. However, what I am is someone who is well versed in the psychological and emotional effects of domestic and family violence. So I would argue that my experience is significantly stacked and that my opinions/ideas are valid.
As I said, prevention and early intervention are extremely important from a cultural perspective in how we redirect and guide the younger generations. However, the severe lack of legal/criminal consequences here in Australia as a response to violence against women is appalling - and it’s embarrassing on a global scale. The few ‘deterrents’ that are in place lack strength, just punishment, and do nothing to actually guarantee the future safety of the victim/survivor. I can confidently say that if you speak to any victim/survivor of DV, they will reiterate that these are nothing more than veiled threats that lack substance and conviction. While our legal system does allow for reasonable(ish) prosecution/sentencing, the outcome is usually a slap on the wrist. There seems to be an expectation (misguided hope) that these perpetrators will listen and change - and for the most part, they don’t. The emotional and psychological invalidation this creates for the victim, on top of their fear and need for protection, is horrendous.
I will also report back with my feedback and a closer look on what was discussed and “committed to” in the national cabinet meeting last week, i’ve got a banger sitting in the wings. Until then, I just need to get this off my chest…
IVOs & AVOs:
*Please keep in mind when reading this, I am from Victoria. For this reason, my level of understanding regarding these types of orders is far more thorough than other states/territories here in Australia.While they are all implemented for similar reasons (protection/safety), they vary with regards to titles and specifics. Although there are several different types of orders, my focus in this post is on IVOs. I am discussing domestic and family violence, so I am applying my own lived experience and feedback only - I am not a legal professional. I do feel it is important to apply some personal context regarding my line of thinking and why I feel these orders often fall short. There is then an expectation I have of you, as the reader, to interpret/follow-up any of my content factoring in your respective state or territory.
An IVO and AVO are essentially the same thing - however, they may vary depending on the jurisdiction within Australia. These are legal orders and fall under two categories: Personal Safety Intervention Orders (PSIO) and Family Violence Intervention Orders (FVIO), but are more commonly referred to as IVOs here in Victoria. In NSW, they are referred to as an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO). To complicate things even further, in Queensland these orders are known as a Domestic Violence Order (DVO) - yikes! I won’t even attempt to try and list the other states and territories, as I am now way out of my depth. While I understand there are differing jurisdictions, I guess this perfectly illustrates the level of confusion and complexity that exists in relation to protection orders. Needless to say, I will not be going into the finer details of these orders at risk of complicating my intended message. The information above has been included to help those who aren’t familiar with these types of orders/process - in a broad sense. With some basic context in tow, i’ll now pivot and launch into my colourful assessment…
On April 30 I posted the below visual on my @agirllikeyou_podcast page and yep, you guessed it! I’ve got even more to say a week later…
So, here comes my (less articulate) almighty-ish rant…
Am I grateful for living in a democratic society with the privilege of civil liberties? Yes, of course I am. What I am not ok with, is when another person violates my basic and fundamental human right to feel safe and be safe, to then learn they are protected (and rewarded) by said civil liberties. Make it make sense, please. While I can acknowledge that not all protection orders are granted or sought for the right reasons, when they are (with irrefutable evidence), shouldn’t these said civil liberties be brought into question? Shouldn’t perpetrators with multiple protection orders against them be flagged in the system? Because they’re not. Shouldn’t perpetrators with multiple protection orders against them face mandatory participation in a men’s behaviour change program - at the very least? Because they don’t. I’m just sitting here and shaking my head - make it make sense. Many would argue (and I agree), these protection orders are merely a piece of paper. These protection orders, even with the knowledge any breaches may incur a prison sentence or fine, do not serve as a meaningful deterrent. And don’t even get me started on Police Checks - phhhoarf. How about we introduce a system where any perpetrator who is found guilty of domestic or family violence (criminally), this shows up? Because without a conviction, even if they are found guilty, this does not show up. I truly struggle to see how these people are held appropriately accountable, I really do. We see the Courts handing down community corrections orders (CCO) to punish offenders who ‘do not warrant imprisonment’, which allows the offender to serve their flexible sentence within the community. While there are terms and conditions attached to these, they lack meaningful sanctions and they are generally free to live their life without restraint.
And for the record, I actually don’t believe prison is a place where these violent men emerge reformed and enlightened - quite the contrary. Evidence actually suggests it can have criminogenic influence and effect. However, I also don’t believe that this needs to be our greater mission - to ‘fix’ or change these offenders. Ideally these people would engage with therapeutic programs and work with professionals to assist them, but I feel this would only benefit the minority of offenders in terms of true reform. I believe (for the most part and in my experience), that these people are hard wired in their way of thinking and their attitude towards women. By the same token, I am one for justice and regardless of their mindset, they deserve to be punished and have their civil liberties withheld - freedom. Do we not teach our children about the importance of making good choices and if they don’t, there are consequences? Make it make sense. Having a protection order against you for committing serious family violence sounds like a grown up version of a time-out, in fact it fails if comparison. It’s a joke.
With regards to breaches of these protection orders, it’s no better in terms of actual consequence (criminal prosecution). Here in Victoria, breaching an IVO is an offence under section 123 of the Family Violence Protection Act 2008. These can include: breaches with the intent to cause harm or causing the protected person to fear for their safety and persistent breaches of the safety notices. While the Police reiterate that safety is their highest priority, I have mixed feelings on this - for good reason. While I will never discount how horrendous murder is, it is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to DV. I will also add at this point, it’s too F-ING late! If we want to see the number of women being killed wiped completely, TAKE ACTION BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE! When a protected person comes into a station to report a clear breach of their protection order, with evidence, LISTEN AND ACT. Do not tell the victim that you don’t have time to investigate this properly or that there wasn’t enough evidence - even when photos and videos are provided. Anyway… This cycle of BS infuriates me. It seems like it’s game of Hot Potato between the police, the Courts and the politicians. Everyone is echoing the same distress and sending their thoughts and prayers, but nothing changes - of substance.
For some supporting context and statistics, head over and read this Spotlight: Breaches of orders - The Impact of Legislative Changes article. This is data pulled from the Victoria Police LEAP database, where you can see the alarming number of breaches over a 10 year period (2008 - 2018). It’s quite sickening to read and something I believe requires urgent attention and action.
Rant over… for now.
THE FAMILY COURT & FAMILY VIOLENCE:
I have been dealing with The Family Court system for nearly three years now and I have nothing positive to say. In my experience, they do not protect women and children in this country. Instead of truly looking at each case with the duty of care they deserve, they honour an antiquated precedence - that it is in the best interest of the children to have a relationship with both parents. As someone who grew up in DV and went on to partner with many problematic men… let me tell you, it is not always in the child’s best interest. History has a funny way of repeating itself and at 38, I’m now picking up the pieces. Anyway, this is a topic for another time. What did give me some hope this week was new laws that will have (I hope) a positive impact and influence regarding parenting arrangements.
According to an article via The Federal Circuit and Family Court Australia:
The Family Law Amendment Act 2023 and Family Law Amendment (Information Sharing) Act 2023 were passed by the Australian Parliament on 19 October 2023. Most of the changes to the Family Law Act will commence on May 6 2024.
What does these changes include: introducing a shorter list of factors for the Courts to consider when deciding whether parenting arrangements are in the best interests of the child/children, introducing new sections about decision making about major long-term issues, removing the presumption of equal shared responsibility, noting there has never been a requirement for children to spend equal time with each parent.
There were other changes made, but i’ve just pulled a few of the ones I found relevant to cases where family violence is involved. I really hope that these changes allow for more meaningful (and personalised) decisions to be made. I really hope that those with the power to make these decisions are listening to our collective cries for help. But, i’m not holding my breath…
IMAGE SOURCE: helpfulprofessor.com
HOW MEN CAN HELP:
Violence against women is a men’s issue and while not all men are bad, enough are for us to feel unsafe. I believe men can make a powerful difference by speaking up - in any capacity. The problematic men who don’t respect women most certainly will not be listening to our cries for help, so I guess i’m passing the buck. Here’s another two (million) cents of what I think men can do to help:
MODEL POSITIVE & HEALTHY MASCULINITY:
I think so many men need to redefine what masculinity looks and feels like, instead of further perpetuating these archaic stereotypes. I worry that so many generations of men have grown up being told certain character traits, emotions or actions are signs of weakness. I also acknowledge that many men have been conditioned (by society) to suppress their emotions, instead of vocalising them. The irony is, healthy and positive masculinity is one of the most attractive things in the world - it couldn’t be further from ‘weak’. It can be as simple as communicating (respectfully), listening, admitting fault and taking accountability, expressing a wide range of emotions - in relationships and with mates, demonstrating compassion and expressing vulnerability
SPEAK UP & CALL OUT DEROGATORY BEHAVIOUR:
This can be as simple as sharing a post to social media that acknowledges gender based violence. This could also include how men speak about women to their children and their mates - their adoration for their partner, their respect and what they value in that person. I believe more men need to call out their mates if they witness derogatory/controlling behaviour - as uncomfortable as they may feel
BE A SAFE PLACE FOR ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN A VICTIM OF DV:
While many women and children are very good at hiding family and domestic violence, there are signs. Women who are in an abusive relationship or fleeing one, are in constant fear. And due to the physical and emotional abuse they may have endured, they can feel extremely inferior and isolated. This is where we need our male friends or a healthy partner to model what healthy masculinity feels and looks like - safety. It is important to never blame the victim - I can’t even tell you how hurtful this is…
IMAGE SOURCE: https://pin.it/37gKOcaFb
IMAGE SOURCE: @therelationshiprecovery
Well, that was a monster post. So if you got this far, thank you. I don’t have much left in the tank to be honest…
I’ve tried very hard to seperate the emotion I feel regarding this topic and my own lived trauma, in order to clearly communicate my views. I am exhausted and I fear (as usual), nothing will actually change. I’m sick of hearing the empty rhetoric we’re being fed, day in and day out. I’m sick of hearing about more women being killed. I’m sick of hearing that the alleged murderer was known to police for prior DV related incidents. And it crushes my soul that so many women are experiencing family and domestic violence. What angers me the most though, is that we have statistics and evidence to support that some of the safety measures we have in place aren’t working. We need those with the power to implement change, to actually do so. The trajectory of this issue is terrifying…
Women are not safe and we are scared.
#ENOUGHISENOUGH
SJ x