BOUNDARIES, THE EGO & DOUBLE STANDARDS
Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my! Phhoarf, we’re definitely not in Kansas anymore (but great segue, SJ). Let’s welcome to the stage: boundaries, the ego and double standards. Just a few of my many relationship icks - also see relationship killers. I am still waiting for Samatha to save me, but my inner Carrie just had to commit ‘pen to paper’. Again. Ughh. A wise prophet once shared with me: “context: the basic building blocks of the universe” and i’ll apply the same reasoning here. There are some basic fundamentals (dem building blocks) of a healthy relationship that we must master in order to build, grow and feel safe with another. I can’t possibly cover them all in one post with my many visual intermissions, so I will dissect the three that have significantly impacted and shaped my own perspective. So with that all said, let’s just dive right in!
“I couldn’t help but wonder…”
“I Couldn’t help but wonder”… do you believe in life after love? Well this is a remix I never saw coming - Carrie Bradshaw x Cher! Phhoarf. Today’s post is a little off track from my usual psychobabble and advocacy rants, but after witnessing my best friend marry her person a few weeks ago, gahhh - i’m a ball of mush. I’m clearly embracing my own Carrie Bradshaw window/laptop moment, only I’m in bed watching Miss Sloane with a face mask on. Hmmm. Someone call Samantha, who have I become?!
The concept of true love has intrigued poets and philosophers for centuries - and now, lil’ old me. Historically, i’ve always been quite cynical when it comes to romance and the fairytale we’ve been sold on ‘the one’. I understand this rather morbid POV was probably conditioned in my formative years (thanks, Dad), piggybacked by a series of pretty toxic relationships. However, underneath my hardened exterior, there’s a heart that loves hard and still loves love. The concept of true love is far more complex than a Disney movie (dammit) and love alone won’t hold a relationship together. However, the depth and respect of that connection will determine the trajectory of effort - I believe. As I step into my Carrie Bradshaw persona as a NYC newspaper columnist, I will explore: what defines or determines ‘the one’, the Three Loves Theory, the Let Them Theory and is it all enough?
VAW - SO, WHAT NOW?
Violence against women is an international epidemic and one that has reached epic proportions here in Australia. According to Dangerous Females, 35 women have been allegedly killed here in Australia due to domestic violence in 2024 - that’s one woman on average being killed every four days. This time last year, that number sat at 16. The escalation and extremity of gender based violence is undeniable.
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN - IT’S FALLING ON DEAF EARS
“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are” - Benjamin Franklin.
Four women have been allegedly killed here in Australia in the past week - far surpassing the weekly average of one. Last week the body of Point Cook mother, Chaithanya Madhagani, was discovered dumped in a wheelie bin. She was discarded like a piece of trash. Last week, a 60yr old woman’s body was found in the boot of a car in Evans Head. A man has been charged with her alleged murder - this man is her own son. Last week, a 22yr old man was arrested and charged with the alleged murder of Samantha Murphy. Should I keep going? I know this a confronting opening passage, but my intent is to shock you. Because violence against women here in Australia is shocking and it’s devastating.
SOLO PARENTING: Pros & Cons
“I am prouder of my years as a single mother than of any other part of my life” - JK Rowling.
I am approaching the three year mark of being a solo parent and thought I would share some of my experiences and (more recent) reflections. It wasn’t until my youngest started prep a few weeks ago, that I really sat down (for the first time) and reflected on the many things I have achieved in the last few years. Navigating parenthood is complex at the best of times, but doing it alone (in every sense of the word) is something else - even if this is by choice. While I will do my best to share as much context as I can about my situation, there will be some missing pieces. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the legal process that can follow a separation, it’s important you understand that certain details/events cannot be openly shared - while there is ongoing litigation. For this reason, I will be as transparent as I can be - whilst honouring my legal and moral obligations at this time.
While I did title this piece as ‘pros & cons’, it’s just not that simple - ughh. There is often both positives and negatives attached to specific responsibilities and probably why it’s such a confusing and exhausting experience at times. There are so many moving pieces in a separation and when there are children involved, you’re locked in - whether you like it or not. For many couples, the division of assets/financial settlement and parenting responsibilities of the respective parents, can be amicable. However, this isn’t always the case. The fatigue and burnout of this process can drastically cloud our perspective and self-gratitude, it certainly has in my experience. As uncomfortable as it makes me, I wanted to share some of my personal challenges, but more importantly… some of my achievements (this is the part that makes uncomfortable).
New Year, New Me-hhhh…
A wise man once said… “why do we have to do this dance, everrrrrytime?” and ahh, yep. That is the theme for this post, but I do mean well.
Well, i’ve (finally) got a wave of roaring “we’re not here to f*ck spiders” kinda energy and i’m going launch straight into my ICK LIST: people who don’t indicate, shortening Christmas to x-mas, leaving messages that require acknowledgement/a response on *seen* (this includes memes & reels), stopping in the middle of the supermarket aisle, the phrase “good vibes only”, toxic positivity, bad manners, Valentine’s Day and New Year’s resolutions - just to name a few, lol. Geez, I sound like a grumpy Baby Boomer who has Jon Faine and Raf Epstein on speed dial! Me-hhhh. I kind of am, but with an outstanding Millennial taste in music. I guess the point of this post is to reassure anyone else who struggles with the pressure of having to feel extreme happiness and gratitude, particularly during the holiday season, that it’s OK. I hear ya’.