BEAUTY: Serums, Sweet Smells & Peach Fuzz
In honour of the late and great Sinéad O'Connor, I will kick off my first beauty post on the new blog with a fitting reference… “It’s been seven hours and fifteeeeen dayssss”, jokes. It’s been more like 700 years and 38 hours, but I’m here now (and pumped).
EXCLUSIVE and hot off no one’s press, there seems to have been some sort of cosmic shift involving my bathroom cupboard and its contents. I’ve traditionally been quite rigid regarding my outlook on skincare and deviating from previously preferred products/brands. However, changes in circumstances have pushed me over the metaphorical edge of comfort.
In the past I have been pretty open about my PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), particularly when I was experiencing issues with fertility. After Max was born, my body actually seem to adjust to pretty regular periods and ovulation. However, in the last four months it’s gone haywire - yay. It’s been a particularly stressful few months and my period has completely disappeared. On top of this, my PCOS symptoms have flared up, as have my thyroid issues. For these reasons, I have been dipping my toes (and face) elsewhere. In this article I have shared some of the products I have been using, accompanied by some honest feedback.
Attachment Theory & How Attachment Styles Form
“The propensity to make strong emotional bonds to particular individuals [is] a basic component of human nature” - John Bowlby.
I will preface this article by saying my grasp on this topic is very much a ‘LIP’ (learning in progress - and yes, i’ve totally just remixed a WIP there). I am not here in a professional capacity, I am merely discussing my own learnings and interest in this space. This is something I am working through on a personal level with professional guidance, and seemingly gaining a very basic PhD from Google in the process. I’ve previously touched on pop psychology and terminology that is commonly used and misused, so I was rather humbled after disappearing down a rabbit hole of literature and podcasts about attachment theory, and then the styles that are more commonly known. I have learned a lot and am keen to explore the differing attachment styles in more detail and how they grew from the attachment theory.
Trauma Bonding & the Come Down
“Trauma compromises our ability to engage with others by replacing patterns of connection with patterns of protection” - Deb Dana
This is a topic i’ve wanted to cover for some time now and my last blog post ‘Narcissist: It’s Not A Buzzword’, was the ideal prelude (yay…). While this fire burning inside of me is roaring, it’s proving more challenging than I had anticipated to articulate. Why? Because a trauma bond does not form from a logical thought pattern, nor is it a conscious choice. It’s often a slow and subtle accumulation of abusive behaviour, interlaced with a complex codependence on the perpetrator. The enormity of how a trauma bond is formed often doesn’t unravel until the relationship has ended and this is why the ‘come down’ is so extreme. For these reasons, trauma bonds are very hard to break because they can be so difficult to detect. They are deeply rooted in a desperate need for the relationship to not only continue, but for the victim to keep pushing for the validation and love they crave - even while being abused. Trauma bonds create chemical warfare in our brains as they gradually become wired for fear, anxiety and stress. This is then intimately intertwined with intermittent hits of dopamine and oxytocin - the ‘good times’. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a parent or a friend, it’s important to understand that this is a form of addiction and deep attachment. You endure the heartache and fear because you learn there will be rewards and positive reinforcement coming. However, this cycle of abuse and the neurochemistry of this toxic type of love only secure a tumultuous relationship dynamic and one that will rarely end well. The anatomy of a trauma bond is a cluster F%$K of reactions and emotions and to many, it simply doesn’t make sense. And this is why…
NARCISSIST: IT’S NOT A BUZZWORD
So, pop psychology - it’s a bit of a double edged sword. It has the power to positively promote mental health awareness to a new and wider audience, encourage personal growth and introspection. I have no doubt it’s also helped many people seek further information and clarity on psychological concepts. In fact, I have seen firsthand online how it’s lead to more meaningful conversations and a better understanding of behaviour/our responses. However, on the flip side of this is where it can become dangerous. I’ve observed time and time again (mostly on reality TV/social media), this trend of overusing and misusing certain terminology. It’s often said with flippancy and it simplifies very complex concepts. I am all for opening up difficult conversations for the right reasons, but it’s on us to share our opinions responsibly and with integrity. Unless you are a health professional and qualified to do so, using terms to label someone with such conviction like narcissist, can be problematic. The misuse of this not only trivialises the true meaning of NPD, but it can also negatively impact the victims who are suffering. Victims may minimise their own experiences by confusing insults or inaccurate descriptions, with the true pathological condition/abuse - welcome to the stage, NPD Vs narcissism.
AGLY Ep Two - The Debrief
Where do I even begin… This episode was such a special experience for me and I can feel myself getting choked up as I reflect on it. Ughh. As the world begins to shift into a more inclusive and supportive place (slowly), I feel it is our duty to educate ourselves and understand the stories of others. This will only encourage growth, diversity, acceptance and the desire to evolve as compassionate human beings. From the moment I decided to pursue this podcast, I knew I wanted Tash (pronounced Tarrrrr-shh, lol) as my first guest. Not only have I admired the way in which she so openly shares in her struggles and her story, but also how she carries herself through life - with laughter, love and compassion. She has a fierce determination and resilience like no other. While as a family they have shared in many trials and tribulations and will continue to as they navigate this path, the boy’s achievements and happiness are a testament to her strength and tenacity. Thank you, Tash. Thank you for single-handedly opening my mind and my heart to better understanding Autism.
AGLY Ep One - The Debrief
After my weekly Teams meeting with my board of directors (me, myself and I), we have decided that it would be a great idea to post a debrief after each episode of A Girl Like You. While I love the rawness of my podcast and how I deliver it unedited, I find I can often get lost in the emotion and believe my words here can help solidify my message (and with less swear words). I will also use this as a more detailed version of my show notes, which will include some valuable resources and a more in-depth discovery of topics and specific issues I have raised.