“Trauma compromises our ability to engage with others by replacing patterns of connection with patterns of protection” - Deb Dana

This is a topic i’ve wanted to cover for some time now and my last blog post ‘Narcissist: It’s Not A Buzzword’, was the ideal prelude (yay…). While this fire burning inside of me is roaring, it’s proving more challenging than I had anticipated to articulate. Why? Because a trauma bond does not form from a logical thought pattern, nor is it a conscious choice. It’s often a slow and subtle accumulation of abusive behaviour, interlaced with a complex codependence on the perpetrator. The enormity of how a trauma bond is formed often doesn’t unravel until the relationship has ended and this is why the ‘come down’ is so extreme. For these reasons, trauma bonds are very hard to break because they can be so difficult to detect. They are deeply rooted in a desperate need for the relationship to not only continue, but for the victim to keep pushing for the validation and love they crave - even while being abused. Trauma bonds create chemical warfare in our brains as they gradually become wired for fear, anxiety and stress. This is then intimately intertwined with intermittent hits of dopamine and oxytocin - the ‘good times’. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a parent or a friend, it’s important to understand that this is a form of addiction and deep attachment. You endure the heartache and fear because you learn there will be rewards and positive reinforcement coming. However, this cycle of abuse and the neurochemistry of this toxic type of love only secure a tumultuous relationship dynamic and one that will rarely end well. The anatomy of a trauma bond is a cluster F%$K of reactions and emotions and to many, it simply doesn’t make sense. And this is why…

Where do I even begin… This episode was such a special experience for me and I can feel myself getting choked up as I reflect on it. Ughh. ⁣As the world begins to shift into a more inclusive and supportive place (slowly), I feel it is our duty to educate ourselves and understand the stories of others. This will only encourage growth, diversity, acceptance and the desire to evolve as compassionate human beings. ⁣⁣From the moment I decided to pursue this podcast, I knew I wanted Tash (pronounced Tarrrrr-shh, lol) as my first guest. Not only have I admired the way in which she so openly shares in her struggles and her story, but also how she carries herself through life - with laughter, love and compassion. She has a fierce determination and resilience like no other. While as a family they have shared in many trials and tribulations and will continue to as they navigate this path, the boy’s achievements and happiness are a testament to her strength and tenacity. ⁣Thank you, Tash. Thank you for single-handedly opening my mind and my heart to better understanding Autism.

After my weekly Teams meeting with my board of directors (me, myself and I), we have decided that it would be a great idea to post a debrief after each episode of A Girl Like You. While I love the rawness of my podcast and how I deliver it unedited, I find I can often get lost in the emotion and believe my words here can help solidify my message (and with less swear words). I will also use this as a more detailed version of my show notes, which will include some valuable resources and a more in-depth discovery of topics and specific issues I have raised.

Violence against women is a significant human rights issue here in Australia, with little change in the partner violence figures since 2005. According to Our Watch 95% of all victims of violence, both women and men, experience this from a male perpetrator. Family violence includes: physical violence, sexual violence, emotional abuse and coercive control. This type of abuse does not discriminate and occurs in all socio-ecomonic and cultural groups. However, the statistics do indicate that domestic violence is signifcantly worse in regional and Indigenous communities. Family and domestic violence can have long-lasting and detrimental psychological effects, and is the leading cause of homelessness for women and children here in Australia.

Today’s post is about something incredibly close to my heart and that is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day - this Saturday 15th October. As many of you would know I lost my second daughter Charlotte just over five years ago.